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1. |
Jimmy Jams
02:31
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She looked like a turtle
With skeleton hands
Touched everything with five taps
Thought she’d been born looking like that
She never moved
But helped me cross the road
Singing on the landing
Pupils that could pierce a soul
and melt snow
I come home and hear amazing noises
Take the batteries out the smoke alarm
Hear something scratching
It’s a thorn on the window
So I’m outside with the kitchen scissors
At three thirty AM
In my pyjamas
A tin of Ravioli
Somethings been through the bin
So I’m outside with my BB Gun
At three thirty AM
In my pyjamas
Apparently I was never the same
After I saw her fitting on the floor
The memory unearthed
Not for my sake
She never moved
But I helped her cross the road
Calling out in my nightmares
They gave her a room of her own in the care home
I get in and hear amazing noises
Take the washing up in to the shower
Hear something scratching
It’s the dog in the hallway
So I’m outside rattling biscuits
At three thirty AM
In my pyjamas
Can hear people who arn’t there
and their talking about me
So I’m outside stopping traffic
At three thirty AM
In my pyjamas
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2. |
Navy Blue
04:12
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Free the nipple
But don’t force the spud
The erotic undertones
In your nuanced musk
The liquorice midget gem
You thought was blackcurrent
Isn’t it ironic? No.
Co-workers B.O.
In the draw with his phone
Unopened pack of mints
From a fortnight ago
And some effervescent vitamins
Double drop Calms,
Feel ‘em kicking in
Win at earning that living
Mr Navy blue loves garlic mushrooms
Nothing else on the menu will do
Glob of hot fat on a suede Chelsea boot
From a late night kebab outside the S.U.
They call him the spy
And he cries on the other side of the door
You’re snide, it’s uncalled for
His pride is petrified but he sort of chortles
Knowing he could never ever ever be that awful
The oldest person there
Bottle of Henny to himself
In the only booth booked
Can’t find his group, he says
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
Dear Diary,
you were overpriced
Spent too much time today
Trying to be nice
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
Today we sent his poetry
All round the office
Today we sent his poetry
All round the office
Had a good laugh
All round the office
Saw him waiting for the bus
So we went to the pub
Waited for the next one to come
The whole office
Everyone except him
The whole office
Had a good laugh
The whole office
Saw him waiting for the bus
So we went to the pub
‘Cos he’s
Mr Navy blue loves garlic mushrooms
Nothing else on the menu will do
Glob of hot fat on a suede Chelsea boot
From a late night kebab outside the S.U.
They call him the spy
And he cries on the other side of the door
You’re snide, it’s uncalled for
His pride is petrified but he sort of chortles
Knowing he could never ever ever be that awful
The oldest person there
Bottle of henny to himself
In the only booth booked
Can’t find his group, he says
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
Dear Diary,
you were overpriced
Spent too much time today
Trying to be nice
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
God is down the sink
And he lives off our tax
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3. |
Told U I Was Nice
03:32
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Had a dream you died all over again
And when I woke I cut my hair like you
Was all I could think to do
Remember your first day at school
They sat you next to me
Told you I was nice
Then I kissed your wife
And stole your motorbike
Had a dream you died all over again
Post credit sequences in my head
Best friends until your end
I haven’t changed much since school
You sat next to me
Told me I was nice
So I kiss your wife
And ride your motorbike
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was... nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was... nice
Had a dream you died all over again
And when I awoke I put on your shoes
Was all I could think to do
Gave your kids a ride to school
In a side car next to me
Told you I was nice
Kissed your wife goodbye
Took your motorbike
Had a dream I killed you again
Finish the sentence in my head
Best friends until my end
Their first day at school, where are you?
You should be next to me
Told you I was nice
when I met your wife
and stole your life
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was... nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was nice
Told you I was... nice
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4. |
Decanter
03:13
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Your nakedness is censored
In the limbo I deserve
Welcome to a world we cannot rule
Your palette has matured
Help me crucify my mind
So I can rise alive
Earth from the allotment blows
In onto the weeds and dies
A pretty pretty grey
I miss you my old friend
I poured you all away
Used to sip you straight from the decanter
Persuade me out this template
And the blueprint that I follow
But let me keep all the blame
‘Cos your questions have no answers
Stuff shoeboxes with receipts
Tickets and other memories
As I grow ever stupid
You grow more attractive
Help me crucify my mind
So I can rise alive
Earth from the allotment blows
In onto the weeds and dies
A pretty pretty grey
I miss you my old friend
I poured you all away
Used to sip you straight from
the decanter
Persuade me out this template
And the blueprint that I follow
But let me keep all the blame
‘Cos your questions have no
answers
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5. |
Burn After Listening
03:24
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Bark like Groot, I don’t boop the snoot of the yoot
A lot of what I do won’t compute
Never have the right change at the toll booth
Nothing but the whole truth - A meme machine
It’s a sport to support me
and my rapport with the other-worldly
I’m phat and I’m sick, I’ve always been portly
Daunting shortly i’ll have caught forty
Naughtily summon a subtle shuffle on to the shuttle
When a sudden scuffle erupts trouble
From a dozen puffin chested ruffians
Ends just as abruptly, quite neatly really
I go back to my daydream
Looking out the window, humming something I think is cool
but you don’t
I half barf on the foot path
Captain Beefheart in a Street Fighter scarf
Calf muscles in a double stomach
Undercutting in the left lane
I’m a right pain in the buttocks
Think I just felt
I’m gonna need a bigger belt
I’ve made myself at home and help myself
Sick and tired of my own company
So I reconnect with long lost family
But when the time comes to meet I’m filled with anxiety
So I get a drunk as I can really quickly
Got to save up for this albums release
But I also want to whiten my teeth
I need new socks and pants - they’re not worth buying cheap
And it’s my turn to get the washing up liquid this week, it’s peak
I like playing at the Art Gallery
I’m doing that on Saturday
Maybe they’ll ask me to perform again
If I don’t get too drunk and swear
Not sure what to wear
Not sure anyone will even be there
I’m the only one who cares
Slide down the bannister to banish their stares
Stir by turning up in stirrups
with the hiccups
White lightning in a sippy cup
After tredding in dog muck
I’m an omlette with gone off eggs
Drop Dead Fred can only handle a mop head
To clean up my mess
Get this depression off my chest
No one’s impressed
All I do is test
All they do is shout next
Or ask for requests and mess up my set
This early birds having a lie in in his nest
You can keep your worms
I can confirm
I don’t work here anymore
My shirts on the floor
I’d rather be poor
Show me the door
Give me a number of a cab to call
Actually that I can’t afford
I’ll walk
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6. |
Sticky Beak
03:15
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There's Sticky Beak spending all day
Building his wall
Inherited Roof
Holds a heritage of half truths
I'm not a quitter
I'm just bitter
That you've got more time on your wrist
Trapping out the bungalow
Hiding in the attic
Raw chicken in the wheelie
I'm out here bleaching maggots
Bad habits
When I secure the bag
It's spring time for rabbits
Rabid damage
There's magnets in my sandwich
A racket of static
In the early hours of the sabbath
In the early hours... there's Sticky Beak
Perfecting his nest
A change as good as getting arrested
I'm destined to be detested
I feel it in my intestines
Twisting methods, holding very little precious
Left breathless by too many late night sessions
Breath fresheners for my nephews
After curfew, so pretentious
Depressive impressions
Confessions on Genesis
Venomous pleasantries for my enemies
An enema in their retina
Et cetera, et cetera
Et cetera, et cetera
There goes Sticky Beak
Beating his meat over a tweet
While i'm three sheets in a sweet breeze
Boxsets on the back seat screens
Emails CC'd to the police
Twitched curtains keep the peace
Snitching persons they saw and they believed
Court sought and they were pleased
Case brought and I was peeved
Now someone's got to bring the heat
You got on my teats, now you're obsolete
Blocked quicker than an athlete
Slicker than your average
Liquor got me staggering
There goes Sticky Beak
Wikipedi-my tricky beak
Trippy hippy pretty prickly beak
Middle meddling when I'm tipsy beak
Committee quickly out to hit me beak
There goes Sticky Beak
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7. |
Choirs & Fires
02:19
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Anonymous say so
Soaps ominous pathos
Four Horsemen, settling caution
This is law enforcement
With an airbrushed message
A glass half full of hope
Between the bias and liars
A red rag and coke
Leaping in to zen teachings
But I don't believe in anything
My temples are bulging
Between the choirs and fires
Forfeit a fortune
We're swarming with orphans
Four horsemen thinking their awesome
This is law enforcement
I am immortal
I am important
Distorted sportsmen
This is law enforcement
With an airbrushed message
A glass half full of hope
Between the bias and liars
A red rag and coke
Leaping in to zen teachings
But I don't believe in anything
My temples are bulging
Between the choirs and fires
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8. |
||||
Dan:
Detonating conspiracy heresy
Veteran hearsay
Obliterates diplomacy
It's over yesterday
His food is too spicy
I hear they don't like me
Well I don't like their personal hygeine
I'll give that a retweet
We never retreat
From this misunderstanding
Branded as candid
Where's Rocket Man landing
Russia caught him red handed
Both ends of the candle
Fake news, real scandal
Fake tanned Hyde, Doctor Jekyll
Dark days in the maze
Where clicks pave the way
Dave says it's an outrage
So i'll share that webpage
Coming over here, i'll send them away
Until the NHS has no one left to save
Danny:
I'm falling over
Crawling slowly over
Bored of this dystopia
Because I was hoping for a zombie dictatorship
Something more futuristic
An abstract geometric number crunching synchronisation of robotics
An underground resistance
A system to rage against
An uprising to bring down the governments
Evil corporations manipulating legislation
Covert operations and passive participation
Policing our own thoughts
Checking in to locations
A saturation of useless information
Legally binding historical crimes
Mining for data for defining the mind
I'm living my life and logging my time
I'm told what I'm like, and I know that they're right
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9. |
Back In Time
03:26
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You’re a short film
I am cling film
You’re an art house
I’m my aunt’s house
Around the roundabout
Playgrounds in the town
They have skate ramps now
We only had a garage
Let’s get married
Limit the damage
Distract ourselves with purchasing
A baby carriage
Don’t disparrage planting
A patch for cabbage
‘Cos when you see it’s little feet
You’ll love the baggage
You’ll love the package
And we would manage
It’s little antics frantic with disadvantag-es
All thanks to my jizz
And your ovaries
We could run a family business
Selling happiness
You’re a short film
I’m a court room
You’re a working mum
I’m a lazy bum
Around the council houses
Holes all in my trousers
Row with the tramps now
I sleep in the garage
Don't pay attention
Get detention
You don't need to learn maths,
English, German and French and
Eat what you like
Stay up all night
Try as you might to be alright
But you can't
Go back in time
Go back in time
Try as you might but you can't
Go back in time
Go back in time
Go back in time
Try as you might but you can't
Don’t get married
Don’t get carried, away
Don’t do what I do
Do as I say
Do it tomorrow,
Never today
Something blue, something borrowed
Something in the way
A roll in the hay
We’ve all got a role to play
Segregate the sharing plate
As long as I’ve not left it late
Be a junkie
A real flunkey
Just don’t make me grumpy
You wouldn’t like me when I’m grumpy
You’re a short film
You had to force him
You’re an art house
He’s a museum
Around the roundabout
Playgrounds in the town
Your kids all smoke now
They do it in the garage
Don't pay attention
Get detention
You don't need to learn maths,
English, German and French and
Eat what you like
Stay up all night
Try as you might to be alright
But you can't
Go back in time
Go back in time
Try as you might but you can't
Go back in time
Go back in time
Go back in time
Try as you might but you can't
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10. |
Armbands On Dry Land
03:15
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Losing my cool is the new normal
Cement sky, I spy a pothole portal
All around me renovations
Scaffolding holding abnormal ovations
Silver stations, deluded halos
Dictate in day-glo
To me it’s painful
But it’s just another day though
Up shit creek in my winnebago
Don’t know which dinner to pay for
Better for my back if I sit at the table
Letter from Iraq that I wish I’d replied to
Denied I knew you in the interview
Sit and stew, that’s what time’ll do
Behind your back is where your bank will find you
Don’t need to force this, the tortoise taught us
Went to art college, should’ve joined the forces
Who do we think we are? Who do we wish we weren’t?
No one gets hurt if you tell me what I should’ve learnt
Burnt bridges earned, heard you were concerned
No words unturned, the road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
Scripture and testament
Shavings of my shamefull aims
Equals unpleasantness
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
Survival of the weak, those who can teach
And nature hates ya, your fate’s a failure
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
Moor on the kerb
To sea and observe
Sand, Canister, Land
Pull up in reverse
Just like we rehearsed
I’ll nurse your universe
Armbands on dry land
Pull up and disburse
Cotswold Christians out to scam ya
Talk auctioned, gabble gavel I’m hammered
Autumn amble with Hannah and Anna
Opposite the office, lunch in an hour
Hide in the car, hide in the toilet
Someone wants to say hi just to spoil it
Owen wants to stay on high anointed
Ten minutes before the end of every appointment
Annoying destroying yourself? Decoy it
Depending on pretense? Enjoy it
Wear a hockey mask and a set of boilers
Machete in the foyer of all your employers
Four year old boy, who’s toys are some pliers
Pulling out teddy’s teeth and dolly’s eyes
Shopping spies, designing flyers
Hidden messages and forbidden desires
Who do we think we are? Who do we wish we weren’t?
No one gets hurt if you tell me what I should’ve learnt
Burnt bridges earned, heard you were concerned
No words unturned, the road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
Scripture and testament
Shavings of my shamefull aims
Equals unpleasantness
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
Survival of the weak, those who can teach
And nature hates ya, your fate’s a failure
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
There’s shells on the street
The road is a beach
Moor on the kerb
To sea and observe
Sand, Canister, Land
Pull up in reverse
Just like we rehearsed
I’ll nurse your universe
Armbands on dry land
Pull up and disburse
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11. |
Silencer
03:43
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Can’t mime a caress
Can’t quote an eye roll
Under your breath
I’m in a spiral
Undress your faithfulness
Are we idle
Am I an abscess
Swear on the bible
Hanging myself on every word
Asking myself will this ever work
Would you be happier if we never were
Shoot me in the dark with a silencer
Silencer
Silencer
Silencer
Silencer
What did you say
From the other room
Was it the same as you said when I asked you
Melted sundae
Oozes from the tomb
Felt inundated, dated and doomed
Hanging myself on every word
Asking myself will this ever work
Would you be happier if we never were
Shoot me in the back with a silencer
Silencer
Silencer
Silencer
Silencer
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12. |
||||
Flowers from Texaco
Chocolates just about in their best before
Still in my dressing gown at four
Flush from the afterglow
Empty bottles on the floor
When you left I didn't lock the door
We did it twice yesterday
Now you never want to do it again
Don't think I can go through this again
We did it twice yesterday
Thought things had just got moving again
Now it just seems I blew it again
Tell me what happened last night
I thought I'd been fine
You're so hard to read
It's so hard to get right
Hours of texting no replies
And eight missed calls
You must hate all I stand for
I think you said see how it goes
Now you're saying you don't know
Now you're saying you don't know
Tell me what happened last night
I thought I'd been fine
You're so hard to read
After I've drank all the wine
We did it twice yesterday
Now you never want to do it again
Don't think I can go through this again
We did it twice yesterday
Thought things had just got moving again
Now it just seems I blew it again
(My imagination is spent on the easiest of options
Limited pallets, stacking grey frames
Groundhog days, straight outta Strangeways
A strained phase for my brain waves
Hazed, but remains on the page
Gained weight and need to change lanes
Honestly, at this age, I should be reporting the noise complaints
Not causing them
Getting cautioned, an aborted abortion
Worse than the distorted version
Of the urban virgin
Who considers herself less of a person
Letting him always come first
Dumped on for comfort
Men are the worst
Her father worked in an ambulance
Saw the bruises, smelt the cannabis
Handled it ravenous
Now they're both underground outside the church
We're unanimous, we're animals
Socks and sandals, socks and sandals
Parked at the doctors
He licked my face
We both smelt of whiskey
Half a tick left, his paw on my elbow
I've never been more under-qualified
Scratch my forearm with your firearm
Drug detect me, I whiff of victory
Innocence, no, offence
A spoon in the spring, local honey
Living that lint brush life
Tonight's been a real shit in the box
Re-record not fade away
Re-record not fade away
Re-record not fade away
Ghost in the bath, anime snoring
I can hear your bones moving
Cut the nose off the cheese to spite my face
Hashtag happy slapping
I want to hold you like it's the end of the world
Because for me, that's what it is)
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Dan Cooper UK
Took too long to find the eggplant emoji and now the moment's gone.
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