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Jimmy Jams

by Dan Cooper

/
1.
Jimmy Jams 02:31
She looked like a turtle With skeleton hands Touched everything with five taps Thought she’d been born looking like that She never moved But helped me cross the road Singing on the landing Pupils that could pierce a soul and melt snow I come home and hear amazing noises Take the batteries out the smoke alarm Hear something scratching It’s a thorn on the window So I’m outside with the kitchen scissors At three thirty AM In my pyjamas A tin of Ravioli Somethings been through the bin So I’m outside with my BB Gun At three thirty AM In my pyjamas Apparently I was never the same After I saw her fitting on the floor The memory unearthed Not for my sake She never moved But I helped her cross the road Calling out in my nightmares They gave her a room of her own in the care home I get in and hear amazing noises Take the washing up in to the shower Hear something scratching It’s the dog in the hallway So I’m outside rattling biscuits At three thirty AM In my pyjamas Can hear people who arn’t there and their talking about me So I’m outside stopping traffic At three thirty AM In my pyjamas
2.
Navy Blue 04:12
Free the nipple But don’t force the spud The erotic undertones In your nuanced musk The liquorice midget gem You thought was blackcurrent Isn’t it ironic? No. Co-workers B.O. In the draw with his phone Unopened pack of mints From a fortnight ago And some effervescent vitamins Double drop Calms, Feel ‘em kicking in Win at earning that living Mr Navy blue loves garlic mushrooms Nothing else on the menu will do Glob of hot fat on a suede Chelsea boot From a late night kebab outside the S.U. They call him the spy And he cries on the other side of the door You’re snide, it’s uncalled for His pride is petrified but he sort of chortles Knowing he could never ever ever be that awful The oldest person there Bottle of Henny to himself In the only booth booked Can’t find his group, he says God is down the sink And he lives off our tax God is down the sink And he lives off our tax Dear Diary, you were overpriced Spent too much time today Trying to be nice God is down the sink And he lives off our tax God is down the sink And he lives off our tax Today we sent his poetry All round the office Today we sent his poetry All round the office Had a good laugh All round the office Saw him waiting for the bus So we went to the pub Waited for the next one to come The whole office Everyone except him The whole office Had a good laugh The whole office Saw him waiting for the bus So we went to the pub ‘Cos he’s Mr Navy blue loves garlic mushrooms Nothing else on the menu will do Glob of hot fat on a suede Chelsea boot From a late night kebab outside the S.U. They call him the spy And he cries on the other side of the door You’re snide, it’s uncalled for His pride is petrified but he sort of chortles Knowing he could never ever ever be that awful The oldest person there Bottle of henny to himself In the only booth booked Can’t find his group, he says God is down the sink And he lives off our tax God is down the sink And he lives off our tax Dear Diary, you were overpriced Spent too much time today Trying to be nice God is down the sink And he lives off our tax God is down the sink And he lives off our tax
3.
Had a dream you died all over again And when I woke I cut my hair like you Was all I could think to do Remember your first day at school They sat you next to me Told you I was nice Then I kissed your wife And stole your motorbike Had a dream you died all over again Post credit sequences in my head Best friends until your end I haven’t changed much since school You sat next to me Told me I was nice So I kiss your wife And ride your motorbike Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was... nice Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was... nice Had a dream you died all over again And when I awoke I put on your shoes Was all I could think to do Gave your kids a ride to school In a side car next to me Told you I was nice Kissed your wife goodbye Took your motorbike Had a dream I killed you again Finish the sentence in my head Best friends until my end Their first day at school, where are you? You should be next to me Told you I was nice when I met your wife and stole your life Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was... nice Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was nice Told you I was... nice
4.
Decanter 03:13
Your nakedness is censored In the limbo I deserve Welcome to a world we cannot rule Your palette has matured Help me crucify my mind So I can rise alive Earth from the allotment blows In onto the weeds and dies A pretty pretty grey I miss you my old friend I poured you all away Used to sip you straight from the decanter Persuade me out this template And the blueprint that I follow But let me keep all the blame ‘Cos your questions have no answers Stuff shoeboxes with receipts Tickets and other memories As I grow ever stupid You grow more attractive Help me crucify my mind So I can rise alive Earth from the allotment blows In onto the weeds and dies A pretty pretty grey I miss you my old friend I poured you all away Used to sip you straight from the decanter Persuade me out this template And the blueprint that I follow But let me keep all the blame ‘Cos your questions have no answers
5.
Bark like Groot, I don’t boop the snoot of the yoot A lot of what I do won’t compute Never have the right change at the toll booth Nothing but the whole truth - A meme machine It’s a sport to support me and my rapport with the other-worldly I’m phat and I’m sick, I’ve always been portly Daunting shortly i’ll have caught forty Naughtily summon a subtle shuffle on to the shuttle When a sudden scuffle erupts trouble From a dozen puffin chested ruffians Ends just as abruptly, quite neatly really I go back to my daydream Looking out the window, humming something I think is cool but you don’t I half barf on the foot path Captain Beefheart in a Street Fighter scarf Calf muscles in a double stomach Undercutting in the left lane I’m a right pain in the buttocks Think I just felt I’m gonna need a bigger belt I’ve made myself at home and help myself Sick and tired of my own company So I reconnect with long lost family But when the time comes to meet I’m filled with anxiety So I get a drunk as I can really quickly Got to save up for this albums release But I also want to whiten my teeth I need new socks and pants - they’re not worth buying cheap And it’s my turn to get the washing up liquid this week, it’s peak I like playing at the Art Gallery I’m doing that on Saturday Maybe they’ll ask me to perform again If I don’t get too drunk and swear Not sure what to wear Not sure anyone will even be there I’m the only one who cares Slide down the bannister to banish their stares Stir by turning up in stirrups with the hiccups White lightning in a sippy cup After tredding in dog muck I’m an omlette with gone off eggs Drop Dead Fred can only handle a mop head To clean up my mess Get this depression off my chest No one’s impressed All I do is test All they do is shout next Or ask for requests and mess up my set This early birds having a lie in in his nest You can keep your worms I can confirm I don’t work here anymore My shirts on the floor I’d rather be poor Show me the door Give me a number of a cab to call Actually that I can’t afford I’ll walk
6.
Sticky Beak 03:15
There's Sticky Beak spending all day Building his wall Inherited Roof Holds a heritage of half truths I'm not a quitter I'm just bitter That you've got more time on your wrist Trapping out the bungalow Hiding in the attic Raw chicken in the wheelie I'm out here bleaching maggots Bad habits When I secure the bag It's spring time for rabbits Rabid damage There's magnets in my sandwich A racket of static In the early hours of the sabbath In the early hours... there's Sticky Beak Perfecting his nest A change as good as getting arrested I'm destined to be detested I feel it in my intestines Twisting methods, holding very little precious Left breathless by too many late night sessions Breath fresheners for my nephews After curfew, so pretentious Depressive impressions Confessions on Genesis Venomous pleasantries for my enemies An enema in their retina Et cetera, et cetera Et cetera, et cetera There goes Sticky Beak Beating his meat over a tweet While i'm three sheets in a sweet breeze Boxsets on the back seat screens Emails CC'd to the police Twitched curtains keep the peace Snitching persons they saw and they believed Court sought and they were pleased Case brought and I was peeved Now someone's got to bring the heat You got on my teats, now you're obsolete Blocked quicker than an athlete Slicker than your average Liquor got me staggering There goes Sticky Beak Wikipedi-my tricky beak Trippy hippy pretty prickly beak Middle meddling when I'm tipsy beak Committee quickly out to hit me beak There goes Sticky Beak
7.
Anonymous say so Soaps ominous pathos Four Horsemen, settling caution This is law enforcement With an airbrushed message A glass half full of hope Between the bias and liars A red rag and coke Leaping in to zen teachings But I don't believe in anything My temples are bulging Between the choirs and fires Forfeit a fortune We're swarming with orphans Four horsemen thinking their awesome This is law enforcement I am immortal I am important Distorted sportsmen This is law enforcement With an airbrushed message A glass half full of hope Between the bias and liars A red rag and coke Leaping in to zen teachings But I don't believe in anything My temples are bulging Between the choirs and fires
8.
Dan: Detonating conspiracy heresy Veteran hearsay Obliterates diplomacy It's over yesterday His food is too spicy I hear they don't like me Well I don't like their personal hygeine I'll give that a retweet We never retreat From this misunderstanding Branded as candid Where's Rocket Man landing Russia caught him red handed Both ends of the candle Fake news, real scandal Fake tanned Hyde, Doctor Jekyll Dark days in the maze Where clicks pave the way Dave says it's an outrage So i'll share that webpage Coming over here, i'll send them away Until the NHS has no one left to save Danny: I'm falling over Crawling slowly over Bored of this dystopia Because I was hoping for a zombie dictatorship Something more futuristic An abstract geometric number crunching synchronisation of robotics An underground resistance A system to rage against An uprising to bring down the governments Evil corporations manipulating legislation Covert operations and passive participation Policing our own thoughts Checking in to locations A saturation of useless information Legally binding historical crimes Mining for data for defining the mind I'm living my life and logging my time I'm told what I'm like, and I know that they're right
9.
Back In Time 03:26
You’re a short film I am cling film You’re an art house I’m my aunt’s house Around the roundabout Playgrounds in the town They have skate ramps now We only had a garage Let’s get married Limit the damage Distract ourselves with purchasing A baby carriage Don’t disparrage planting A patch for cabbage ‘Cos when you see it’s little feet You’ll love the baggage You’ll love the package And we would manage It’s little antics frantic with disadvantag-es All thanks to my jizz And your ovaries We could run a family business Selling happiness You’re a short film I’m a court room You’re a working mum I’m a lazy bum Around the council houses Holes all in my trousers Row with the tramps now I sleep in the garage Don't pay attention Get detention You don't need to learn maths, English, German and French and Eat what you like Stay up all night Try as you might to be alright But you can't Go back in time Go back in time Try as you might but you can't Go back in time Go back in time Go back in time Try as you might but you can't Don’t get married Don’t get carried, away Don’t do what I do Do as I say Do it tomorrow, Never today Something blue, something borrowed Something in the way A roll in the hay We’ve all got a role to play Segregate the sharing plate As long as I’ve not left it late Be a junkie A real flunkey Just don’t make me grumpy You wouldn’t like me when I’m grumpy You’re a short film You had to force him You’re an art house He’s a museum Around the roundabout Playgrounds in the town Your kids all smoke now They do it in the garage Don't pay attention Get detention You don't need to learn maths, English, German and French and Eat what you like Stay up all night Try as you might to be alright But you can't Go back in time Go back in time Try as you might but you can't Go back in time Go back in time Go back in time Try as you might but you can't
10.
Losing my cool is the new normal Cement sky, I spy a pothole portal All around me renovations Scaffolding holding abnormal ovations Silver stations, deluded halos Dictate in day-glo To me it’s painful But it’s just another day though Up shit creek in my winnebago Don’t know which dinner to pay for Better for my back if I sit at the table Letter from Iraq that I wish I’d replied to Denied I knew you in the interview Sit and stew, that’s what time’ll do Behind your back is where your bank will find you Don’t need to force this, the tortoise taught us Went to art college, should’ve joined the forces Who do we think we are? Who do we wish we weren’t? No one gets hurt if you tell me what I should’ve learnt Burnt bridges earned, heard you were concerned No words unturned, the road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach Scripture and testament Shavings of my shamefull aims Equals unpleasantness There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach Survival of the weak, those who can teach And nature hates ya, your fate’s a failure There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach Moor on the kerb To sea and observe Sand, Canister, Land Pull up in reverse Just like we rehearsed I’ll nurse your universe Armbands on dry land Pull up and disburse Cotswold Christians out to scam ya Talk auctioned, gabble gavel I’m hammered Autumn amble with Hannah and Anna Opposite the office, lunch in an hour Hide in the car, hide in the toilet Someone wants to say hi just to spoil it Owen wants to stay on high anointed Ten minutes before the end of every appointment Annoying destroying yourself? Decoy it Depending on pretense? Enjoy it Wear a hockey mask and a set of boilers Machete in the foyer of all your employers Four year old boy, who’s toys are some pliers Pulling out teddy’s teeth and dolly’s eyes Shopping spies, designing flyers Hidden messages and forbidden desires Who do we think we are? Who do we wish we weren’t? No one gets hurt if you tell me what I should’ve learnt Burnt bridges earned, heard you were concerned No words unturned, the road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach Scripture and testament Shavings of my shamefull aims Equals unpleasantness There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach Survival of the weak, those who can teach And nature hates ya, your fate’s a failure There’s shells on the street The road is a beach There’s shells on the street The road is a beach Moor on the kerb To sea and observe Sand, Canister, Land Pull up in reverse Just like we rehearsed I’ll nurse your universe Armbands on dry land Pull up and disburse
11.
Silencer 03:43
Can’t mime a caress Can’t quote an eye roll Under your breath I’m in a spiral Undress your faithfulness Are we idle Am I an abscess Swear on the bible Hanging myself on every word Asking myself will this ever work Would you be happier if we never were Shoot me in the dark with a silencer Silencer Silencer Silencer Silencer What did you say From the other room Was it the same as you said when I asked you Melted sundae Oozes from the tomb Felt inundated, dated and doomed Hanging myself on every word Asking myself will this ever work Would you be happier if we never were Shoot me in the back with a silencer Silencer Silencer Silencer Silencer
12.
Flowers from Texaco Chocolates just about in their best before Still in my dressing gown at four Flush from the afterglow Empty bottles on the floor When you left I didn't lock the door We did it twice yesterday Now you never want to do it again Don't think I can go through this again We did it twice yesterday Thought things had just got moving again Now it just seems I blew it again Tell me what happened last night I thought I'd been fine You're so hard to read It's so hard to get right Hours of texting no replies And eight missed calls You must hate all I stand for I think you said see how it goes Now you're saying you don't know Now you're saying you don't know Tell me what happened last night I thought I'd been fine You're so hard to read After I've drank all the wine We did it twice yesterday Now you never want to do it again Don't think I can go through this again We did it twice yesterday Thought things had just got moving again Now it just seems I blew it again (My imagination is spent on the easiest of options Limited pallets, stacking grey frames Groundhog days, straight outta Strangeways A strained phase for my brain waves Hazed, but remains on the page Gained weight and need to change lanes Honestly, at this age, I should be reporting the noise complaints Not causing them Getting cautioned, an aborted abortion Worse than the distorted version Of the urban virgin Who considers herself less of a person Letting him always come first Dumped on for comfort Men are the worst Her father worked in an ambulance Saw the bruises, smelt the cannabis Handled it ravenous Now they're both underground outside the church We're unanimous, we're animals Socks and sandals, socks and sandals Parked at the doctors He licked my face We both smelt of whiskey Half a tick left, his paw on my elbow I've never been more under-qualified Scratch my forearm with your firearm Drug detect me, I whiff of victory Innocence, no, offence A spoon in the spring, local honey Living that lint brush life Tonight's been a real shit in the box Re-record not fade away Re-record not fade away Re-record not fade away Ghost in the bath, anime snoring I can hear your bones moving Cut the nose off the cheese to spite my face Hashtag happy slapping I want to hold you like it's the end of the world Because for me, that's what it is)

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"You'd never pour Jimmy's cup of tea all the way to the top - he'd only spill it"

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released December 25, 2017

All tracks written and recorded by Dan Cooper except Sad! with Danny Ash and We Did It Twice Yesterday with Charlie Baxter (grownuplife). Additional vocals on Armbands On Dry Land by Callie Middlemiss.

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